Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/rhod rhod_20130427-1857a.mp3

Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales. / If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in the studio in London with Lloyd Langford.

Well, I thought of a feature already. / Oh. Little Lloyd Langford has thought of a feature already. / Well / if you like / things / written down. you know that / I have already written down / OK. What is your / for the day? / tied on to / money-based features / last week's show / Did we have / last week's show / happy birthday. It was / I remember now / happened / you mean the feature or the coin? / Both. / feature / forgotten / coin is still going / I've forgotten / You are quite right. The note is gone / one pound note is gone / hard / hard to keep up / it's hard to keep up with ... News / I'm a big reader of P__ News / good magazine. / Well, did you see / news / I've seen / News this morning if you are referring to Churchill being / new face of the fiver / in the Sun / called / in the Sun / face of the fiver. I'm sure / plucky little bulldog face, champipn __ the face of the fiver. Fair play. / Well, my feature is, if you didn't have Churchill on a new five pound note, who would you have? / Brilliant. that is local radio ... d__ well, Lloyd

Some quickies for you from the papers. Here we go. This isn't from today, but / look at / read this last week / Heavy metal boosts blooms. Talking to your plants / supposed / blast them with heavy metal music. Do you know that? / Yeah, but I guess I knew, ... you might have, like, bigger flowers or something, but then you / worst relations with your neighbour / playing like / true. It is / Prince Charles used to, um,... did he sing heavy metal? Or did he just talk to his flowers? / I don't think prince Charles's ever been / heavy metal band / not an well-known one / Saxon, Metallica, / No, I mean,... / Iron Maiden / definitely / I can't place him in any of them. / no / he used to,.... he was an advocate of, uh, talking to / no / that was, uh / Phill Collin, I'm thinking of / No, I mean,... / used to talk to / He's got two arms, Prince Charles. / two arms, Prince Charles / Yes / definitely wasn't him / definitely rules him out of the picture. / rules out of that / Judas Priest / No, he used to talk to his / Lead Zeppelin / in Lead Zeppelin / no / super band / big names / Yeah, but,... / none of them __ heir to the throne. / Is he even the heir to the throne any more? / Oh, prince Charles? / Yeah. / I don't know. I can't keep up. / Or is William heir to the throne now? / Charles / get to a point / where / miss him out because he / quite keen / Do you reckon? / Yeah. ... Talking of William, now / this is / hot topic / the day / I'm afraid, I'm afraid I can't keep quiet on this any longer. I've bitten my tongue now for a long time. / Yeah. / But I just can't cope with it any more. / Eyebrows, you say? / ... Look, I've got / pictures today, in the  / fetish? / not fetish. Just,... I just need to say ... I need to get some thing off my chest ... / OK. / ... about, uh, about eye brows. / yeah / for some time I have felt / eyebrows / is lamentable. / Yeah. / I think we are gonna look back on this period ... / Yeah. / from an eyebrow perspective __ look back on this. ... you / like / 70's / 80's and stuff / I don't look back / pictures of me from the 70's / No, but you ... / minus ten / minus ten, yeah / probably / But you know what I'm saying? / Yeah, I know / thinking / just go "What were we thinking? What is this look? / can I throw it out / please, somebody let me know, what is it? It doesn't even look good now. / what / really sort of / Really plucked. Really plucked, so / bone where eyebrows / clearly supposed be, which is completely visible. It's __ obvious / eyebrows / supposed to be / looks like the back of a chicken, of a frozen chicken. You know / thigh / chicken / nudges through the skin / people look like that. Their eye-bone thing of their skull, you __ see / supposed to be / like / chicken's back / plucked heavily above it. People look like just / they don't / they look insane. Look at the pictures of ... of ... of Kate Middleton in the paper today. She looks like she's __ nervous breakdown / Maybe she is / this is the only way she / correspond / public / only in the eye-brow sense / very nice / etc., etc., don't mean / just / it's a fashion / look back on in ten years / what were we thinking? / tell you / look at my head / pluck my entire skull / why / I'll tell you / What's wrong with the eyebrow / where they are / Yeah, I think / what's wrong / should be left as nature intended. / No. I don't say / eye-brow-fascist, Lloyd / What? / Well, I'm not saying that eyebrows have to be left / I'm not against / trim / if somebody wants to encourage their eyebrows to behave more appropriately / a bit / a bit / a bit / give / a little trim, a little / just tidy / but not remove them. / de__ / where they are supposed to be, leaving that horrible big bone sticking out and then __ __ above it. So, / It's just absurd. / Yeah. I don't like / either, to be honest / tell you something / which confuses me / feature 1 is, / who would you like to see / feature 2 / what's wrong with eyebrows where they are. / Right. / go / really confuses me now / Skirts? / No. Actually / opposite of skirts / Trousers? / women walking around just in leggings / They are allowed to do that / feminism / allowed / no skirt / no top? / with the top on / they wear, like, black leggings. they don't wear any skirts / all they wear / it is a bit see-through / a bit upsetting / well, you know, I ... I don't mind it. I just think they / like your / eyebrow problem / they're gonna look back / twenty years / well, people / see my bottom." / we're gonna look back on this / you know, usually when you are in the midst, in the / fashion / like you are normally / normally you are in fashion. You don't notice how bad a fashion is at the time 'cause it's in fashion / in the midst of it / look back / this is / honestly / not a good time for eyebrows / problem with / is, they do pluck it, and then they pluck too much out / you've already / failed / make it better / down that road / smaller and smaller / you know / in school / actually / against / just tidy them up a bit / absolutely fine. We live / modern / grooming ... grooming is a thing / grooming / for now. Right? And I'm fine with that. I'm fine with, you know, / chest hair. Remember when I / in a bit / yeah / chest hair / chest hair off for your radio show. __ that ... that is a stupid idea. / That was a stupid idea. / I didn't / didn't see your face / coming / see your face / look like / an African tribe, peering through long grass.

Lloyd langford, please list the features so far on today's show. / Uh, Feature 1, Rhod, is "Who would you like to see on a five pound note?" / Mmm, good feature, Lloyd. / chose that / local radio / all over / good feature / good feature / Feature #2 / This is more of a / Rhod Gilbert / feature, this one / what's wrong with eyebrows where they are / Exactly. What is wrong with that? / and another thing you brought up there, Lloyd, is / somebody / shaved them off completely / drew them back on / might / draw it on where it's supposed to be. / my ears Why not? Why not? / It's very difficult to draw against / I might / all my body parts / person. I don't exist. / How about,... Why not? It's a logical conclusion, innit? / well / I remember thinking / you're never gonna be able to replicate the eyebrow with a masquala pen or whatever she used. / It's bizzare, innit? / Odd. / I know / fashon is ... fashons come and go / I genuinely think / look back on this / and just / Hoots. Hoots of d___, I think. / I think,... I don't think / I think it's the craziest / throw this out there / It's the craziest fashion thing / yeah / ever seen / Shut up / It is. Name your crazier one / shave / own eye brows / draw them back on / even / go on / even / that is pretty silly actually. / Give me a crazier fashion in the West than that / Bottox / I don't know how to pronouce it / Bottox? / Yeah / that's, uh ... well, / injecting,... uh, / what is it, like a virus into your forehead / put like that, it's pretty silly / to freeze it / quite silly / to freeze it. / But is it sillier than shaving off / own eyebrows / drawing them back on? / well / different kinds of / both / I think removing something and drawing it back on / it's like ... it's like selling your car and then go / draw one / innit? / if you don't want your eyebrows / shave them off / by all means / hang on / draw them back on / but then some people tatoo them on / rather than go to the trouble of plucking ... every now and again / or maintaining them / I can see some logic there. I can see some ... I'm thinking / doing / with our hedge / garden / on to the fence / same / I'm thinking of ... I'm thinking of getting rid of the bird feeder / just / my whole life / soon / replaced by a drawing / if you get rid of the bird feeder and then draw on a bird feeder. That's gonna be,... that's gonna do damage and detriment to the local wild life. / No it's not. They're all just drawn birds / no harm, is it? / actual flying birds / turn up / I don't care about them / important / natural eye brows. / At least if you shave off your own eye brows then draw them back on, you only / yourself / No you are not. / live in your eyebrows / Yeah, I didn't think of that. Yeah. / there you go / actually. / feature 3 / Are eyebrow mites / as common as I think? / loads of, uh, correspondent / about which feature? / The first one. / The first one? / the local radio / who should be on the front of the five pound note / nothing on / written it down / take off, though. / Feature 1 / Right. Mickey in Cardiff says ... / Yeah. / on a fiver, I would / great celebrity Stephen Fry / fair enough / interesting. What do you think / Stephen F__ / No. / No? / Well,... I don't know, like / national treasure / ubiquitus__ enough, isn't he? I don't want to see him on my money as well / turn on / look / my pocket / judging / executioner / So, "No" to Stephen Fry. Lloyd says / ubiquit__ enough / see him / in his pocket / great woman / miss / what do you think / on the front / five pound note / sense of mystery, perhaps? / I didn't actually / fictional guy / they usually have a real people / on money / who's currently on them? / Dickends is on the twenty pound note. / I can't remember. / Elizabeth Fry actually is on the five pound note at the moment. ... So, maybe that's where / Nightingale / one / The lady in the lamp / she was the lady with the lamp / although as we once discussed, she kept / awl / pocket / So why on earth is she famous for carrying the lamp, when / walking down a wall / I saw woman / walk past / two notable things about her. One, / lamp / there's an awl in her pocket / she goes / awl lady / you / lamp is fairly incidental, to be honest / an awl / in your pocket / Surely that's / nickname / somebody, innit? / for the health of the soldiers, but I mean / animal rights / for twenty years / Absolutely true. she kept an awl in her pocket, apparently. / Well / forget / name / I can't remember the name / "Hey both. Great to hear Lloyd back on the radio. / yeah / you made that up / show / I think animated heros should be given the chance on a fiver, like ... / Animated heros / Oh. / like Wallace / famous British films like Train Spotting or Zulu. / Train Spotting / good one / Daniel Radcliff or Stephen Fry / two votes / three / does that suggest / pattern / people / do you think / people are disillusioned with, with, uh, you know, / real people / Are we reaching,... as a nation, are we reaching, Lloyd, do you think, / fictional characters / real people in life / too early to call it yet? / a very big question / massive question / let's / what / let's go back to those / think / contact the show, they will contact / Feature 2: what's wrong with eyebrows where they are? / Yeah. / Feature 3: Are eyebrow mites / as common as Rhod thnks.

Let's have a look / started / took too much off. Now I / fill them in with a pencil. / this / year / properly grown back." ... So, interesting start there / first email / tale of regret / tale of regret / Joni Mitchel sang, you don't / till / gone. / That is / never / think / looking ahead / back on. / "Don't know what you got till it's gone / room / I mean / paradise / parking lot, but / that was an analogy for your face / "Dear Rhod / brow / annoying, pointless and ridiculous fashion / come across / I never understood / All the best, Steve. / looking for somebody to come in, really, and explain to me what is wrong with eyebrows / where they are / this is the reason / happening, Rhod / logic behind it / from / we know it looks / I think / maybe boredom is a key as well. / somebody so bored / maybe there's / maybe like / there's a lot of pressure on young women to,... / There is? / ...conform to certain beauty standards. / There is? / magazine / most of them / by you / Not me. / I think so. / no / don't think / eyebrows / know / your mind / by these magazines / say / this week you have to wear blue eye shadow / fool / your face needs to be / friends gonna desert you. / and / your face more orange / they can't do the orange face every week. So, / who's gonna buy that? Every ... / not the orange face thing again / so, the editors / how / another fifty ways / face / every weeks / face / editors of these magazines / come up with / earrings anymore / know / takes off / eventually they run out of options / eye / around / so long, you think / editors / What can we do? / done / orange / earings / leggings / leggings / no skirts, how about that / takes off / I've got one. Everyone, shave / back / stand up to this / should / feature is about / back / back on the map. Today. We could do it, Lloyd / We ... yeah. I like / anyway / hear that, everyone? / If that ... if that doesn't reverse the trend, I don't know what will. Because there is a lot of / Lloyd / actually / he prefers a lady / prefer it / you like it / unkempt brow / equally matches / unkempt brow / equally / fair / I think / fair / I think it could reverse the trend / Radio Wales / I'm not / 8 girls / to this show / three of them / bound to be on twitter / statistically / tell their mates / reverse the trend / back / supposed to be / you / far bigger celebrity / I / bias the debate / keep / open mind / started this feature / bear in mind / started this feature / what / openly / rather / more normal / trim / fine / kempt? fine. / Yeah. / all right / tidy it up / by all means / definitely, yeah. I / I am finished / nothing against / just / would you love a woman / eyebrows / been trimmed / they look all weird, you know, like we've been talking about / yeah / set / eyebrows don't match her hair / Ooo, that is a tricky one. / opposite / she's a blunet / she / white eye brows / I quite like that./ Yeah? / Yeah. / quite like the sound of that. / fair enough / over / blunet / white eyebrows / I / quite fun / easy to find when your are lost /

"Hi, Rhod / remember / stamp lover / for ages / I don't even know if / I appreciate / question / are there / in the first place? Does anything live / could be affected / some kind of scientist to contact the show / we need some kind of / incredulesness / eyebrows issue / person / pencil sketch on the wall?" / this is my point / this is my point / what next? the nose / if that / nipple surgically removed / draw a pair on / well / all hair / why not all hair on your body? / shave / hair / just draw it on. / No. You get cold, for one thing / eyebrows are there for a reason / serves the purpose / eyebrows are there / to stop sweat going / eyes / do that? / just / you can't keep up / how long before / person / pencil sketch on a wall / that's a good call / loser / be on the note / one / so far, we've had one for B__ / two for Stephen / one for S__ D__ / one / miss / probably my favorite / seems / British films like Train spotting or Zulu / "Morning / I don't think the five pound note is big enough / a scene from Zulu / mayber earlier on in the film / Oh yeah. / before the / otherwise / or the 50 pound note / be quite impressive / that / entire / the whole thing / thousand / Zulu on a 50 pound note / quite impressive / see / can / thing / speech bubble, thousands of them / all coming / corner / spears / spears / midair / mid flight / mid flight / spend / stay at home / own / "Dear Rhod," now this is interesting. "I would put / table o the back of / physics teacher." That's interesting / instead of / famous / famous faces / should we have / notable citizens / should we / bus time table / internet / times table / great idea, to be honest, but / idea / bus time tables / internet / fifty / a different page from Wikipedia on evey five pound note / learning a fact / Dear Rhod and Lloyd / I'd / prince / seniority / down to some random / philips / I'd be happy. / Cardiff / Newport. Thanks, / christopher / how about / in Namibia. "He is always my hero / Namibia? Shut up, mate / more like / Mr. Blobby on a five pound note / Rhod and lloyd / this is an interesting one / childrens game show, "Fun House", having a paint ball fight against / Roy / back of / the golden girls / background / thanks, Adam in Newport / that is certainly / five pound note / be livened up by that? / undoubtedly / against / Churchill on / that is / on their own would be too much / I don't know. I / catch phrase / would you be able to recognize / problem / exactly / looks like / mask / they didn't have / masks on / bad influence for children then.

I'll tell you what / we've just been handed / eye / nothing wrong / In fact, there should be a set under your eyes as well. / Really? / that way / close / warm / combines our two features. ... "Hiya both. How about scenes and places / around / I thought / that is a really good suggestion. You shave off your eyebrows / drawing on replacement eyebrows / why not have / scene / somewhere around Britain / Backingham palace / tower of London / wall / London Bridge / raised / opening / your nose is the boat / nose / eye brows up / 45 degree angle / see / back of the Daily Mail / living Tower Bridge replica / 4.99 / lost the plot. /

this is rhod gilbert  / signing off from / for another week / show next weekend / I'm not sure / comedy festival / get on up there / decent / which / in abundance / honest / thank you / playing along / we didn't really / any of the debates / fun, Lloyd, / it? / thank you / say goodbye to / listeners / Good bye. / Good bye.